What does it mean to be human?

The question "What does it mean to be human?" was one I began asking many years before I explored it more fully in my training as a psychotherapist. As a teenager, I read books by Freud and Jung, and then found R.D. Laing's "The Divided Self" - a ground-breaking book making madness comprehensible and explaining personal alienation in a way that struck a deep chord of recognition. It was both awesome and reassuring to find that I was not alone in experiencing my self at times 'false' and disconnected. It gave me hope that I was, after all, human, in my desolation, and began to offer explanations for these states of isolation and despair.

Life as a meaningful journey

For as long as I can remember I have experienced my life as a meaningful journey, in which adversity is also a possibility for growth and change. I had numerous such trials in early life, and they brought opportunities to discover my depths - and to realise the ploys I used to avoid them, in my attempts not to revisit the worst pain. I learned to read myself, long before it ever occurred to me that I might use that skill to read others and put that reading to some beneficial service. As the years have progressed my reading of my own process has improved and deepened, incorporating not only the levels of mind and spirit but of body. Having been taught early in life to value the intellect above all else, and opening to the spiritual dimension partly as a response to some of those adversities, I was still a long time coming to tuning in to the wisdom of the body. I still continue to be awakened to the full meaning of self.

When the pupil is ready the teacher comes

A series of life events led to my acupuncturist saying: "Have you considered using your insight to help others?" I had wanted for a long time to "give back" to the world an exchange for my own healing, but had no clear idea of what that might involve. She recommended a book called "How can I help?" by Ram Dass. I discovered with a sense of deep recognition, that he, along with Stephen Levine, Jack Kornfield and Thomas Moore, were all writers who all spoke directly to my heart, and became - among numerous others in the following years - my cherished teachers. It is so true that when the pupil is ready the teacher comes.

From the moment I made that commitment

From the moment I made that commitment within myself to change tracks, everything fell into place to enable it to happen. A series of swift synchronicities meant that almost as soon as I asked the question: "What do I need to do to become a psychotherapist?" the means to make it possible unfolded. Within two weeks I had found out about a training course, offering exactly what I had hoped to find, although I had no idea at that point what words like "humanistic" or "transpersonal" or "existential" meant. I had been a Samaritan for some time, observing that in our loneliness we need more than just an sympathetic ear, and began to evolve my own theories about what real relationship is about. I had become conscious how important it is to really listen - and how rarely we actually do it. In our society we are encouraged to develop our ego - without realising how that can be at the expense of awareness of the self. Knowing how and when to listen, remains the foundation of my work.

Embarking on a voyage of personal discovery

I had begun having acupuncture with curiosity and scepticism, as part of my agenda for making sure I was healthy before travelling in India. Soon I was aware of a profound alteration - curiosity had shifted into awe, and scepticism had been replaced by trust based on inner knowledge. My subsequent voyage of personal discovery in India was one of several life-changing quests that I embarked on over following years.

The beginning of my real journey outward

When I returned to England from India, in January 1989, I completed a course known as 'The Forum' - previously called 'est Training', the technique pioneered by Werner Erhard as part of the human potential movement in the seventies. Its purpose was 'to transform your ability to experience living so that situations you have been trying to change or have been putting up with clear up just in the process of life itself.' It contained elements of Eastern spiritual teaching, western psychology, and NLP motivation techniques. Although I retained doubts about its methods, it affirmed my commitment to my own development and purpose. From the age of seventeen I had been a published writer of articles, novels and short stories - always examining the deepest heart of the human condition - and so I had done much inner work already, but this was the beginning of my real journey outward, to engage meaningfully with the world.

The path towards self-healing

My work as a Samaritan continued through the early part of my Counselling and Psychotherapy training, which encouraged and developed my humanistic position, while offering various methodologies in the Jungian and Existential tradition. The humanistic approach was already my philosophy, valuing the whole person, and believing the greatest expert on anyone to be themself. My own experience of being in therapy lasted for over four years, concurrent with my training and early years of working with clients, and took me to places I could never have gone alone. It showed me experientially that this deep exploration into the nature of being truly is the path towards self-healing.

No one theoretical model or discipline has all the answers

My training proceeded well beyond that original four year course, and I began eventually to describe myself as an integrative counsellor and psychotherapist, recognising that there was no one theoretical model or discipline that had all the answers. Exploring shamanism took me travelling in the soul journey realm of visualisation and myth as I continued my own inward search for truth. I also realised that I brought the transpersonal perspective inevitably into my work, as it was so significant to my life in every sphere. The transpersonal perception allows one to see the concept of 'individual' within its relationship to a much larger 'whole', and so the Trans-Personal world is beyond the everyday singular human existence. It covers all aspects of ones being, facilitating the transformation of the personal self and allowing one to see the Greater Wholeness, not only of the individual, but of humanity and beyond.

Becoming free by letting go

Long before India, I was interested in Eastern religions and philosophy. My generation first beat the hippie trail to enlightenment, after all. Over many years, I sought and found my own gurus, who arose and fell like mirages as I followed my individual path. That path took me to some deep places, increasingly drawing me towards Buddhism - which also did not hold all the answers, but held me as I learned to ask the questions. During these later years of my spiritual development it has felt safe to find my own answers to the meaning of life and death. This journey continues wherever it leads. What becomes clearer is that the process is one of becoming free by letting go.

To be true to the self

I bring this calm questioning space into my work with clients, mindful that from our first meeting until the completion of our ending, there is a process unfolding between us. This process is one in which we find our way towards an authentic meeting of self, discovering as if anew, each time, what it means to be in relationship, to be a human being. This is not always easy, and I have learned through my own development, which proceeds through the work as well as through continuing training, that there is no formula for what is required to be true to the self, to reach the self.

I have agreed to be the map-reader and hold the torch

A natural law operates that means as therapists we can only go as far with clients as we have been ourselves. We have a responsibility to honour our own process, know our limitations, and trust that we grow not only in our understanding, but in our capacity to explore the shadowlands courageously. I feel with clients that we are on a marvellous adventure together, that the difference between us is that I have agreed to be the map-reader and hold the torch. But it is essentially their journey, and my role is to travel hopefully and mindfully alongside, not lead the way - or plunge into the dark when they leap over an edge into territory uncharted for them. I hold a safe boundary, a place where they can be grounded even while they fly or when they fall.

I always recognise my self

I have great respect for my clients, for the trust they invest in me and in their own process, and I feel deep compassion as well as simple affection for them, in the plight of humanity within which we both struggle. I always recognise my self, some part of my self that is speaking out of them. It is always a privilege to work with them, and I am grateful to them for giving me an opportunity to maintain awareness and continue working on myself.

The expression of creativity

With groups, couples and individuals, I follow wherever the process leads us, always encouraging the expression of creativity, and using artwork where appropriate, including writing, collage, and the creation of personal masks. My work, both as a therapist and a writer, arises from a meaningful connection with the spiritual that inspires and holds me in my daily life. I feel blessed to have found others with whom to share this path, and to have so much love surrounding and supporting me. My own journey continues to open up new experiences as I explore the territory of ageing and embrace the shift into eldership. Life has taught me how much we all need one another – as well as space to discover our deepest self and expand our creativity. Honouring that, I am still learning ways to free my mind to dance, sing, paint, and write the ever-changing truth of this miraculous self.